only if you
by sloanandmoist
Summary: How far will Tonks go in order to scare someone away?
1. Chapter 1

Although I am willing to buy some of the HP character's I currently do not own any at the moment, the minute I do ; I'll let you know

"Tonks, can I see you in my office? now?" Charles said before strolling off down the corridor.

'Oh crap now what did I do' thought Tonks

"Charles sure doesn't look like he's in a good mood today" whispered Shacklebolt. "I guess I'll see you later then Tonks, good luck"

"See you later Shackles" murmured Tonks as she slowly trudged towards Charles office.

Later in Charles office-

"You wanted to see me?" Tonks asked.

"Yes, I wanted to warn you about something" Charles whispered as he closed his office door. "The minister of magic in his infinite wisdom has made some changes to all of the ministries departments". Charles sighed before he continued. "There is now a ministry representative who is working with us for an undetermined amount of time. I am warning you to avoid him as much as possible. There are no words to describe what a complete git he is. Three aurors already had to take stress leave and he only arrived this morning."

"If he's that bad, can't we get rid of him somehow?" Tonks asked seeing the frown of disgust on Charles face.

"The only way we can get him to leave is if he chooses on his own accord to leave, however, anything you do to push him in that direction would be greatly appreciated" Charles spat, massaging his forehead.

"Well I'd poison him, but you know, I'm an auror and that kind of thing is frowned upon" said Tonks while she smirked at Charles.

"At this point I don't care how many laws you break, just get him to leave and I'll give you the biggest promotion in the history of all promotions that ever were received" sighed Charles.

"YOU mean to tell me that my boss, who never steps a foot over the line that separates right and wrong, is encouraging me to break laws that I am supposed to be enforcing? He must really be horrid" said Tonks as she stared at Charles with her mouth half open.

"I'd rather marry the Dark Lord than ever see that THING in my department again" hissed Charles with a look of extreme disgust on his face.

"He can't be THAT bad" giggled Tonks "I look forward to getting this promotion, so who is the lucky guy I get to scare off?"

"His name is -" but Charles was interrupted by a knock on the door

"Uh oh - its him!" Charles hissed.

Tonks opened the door while trying very hard not to laugh, but the laughter died the instant she saw who was on the other side of the door. The face of Percy Weasley was grinning back at her.

"Why hello" Percy said as he strolled into the office "you must be Nehimphan-doria, Shacklebolt mentioned you a few minutes ago..." Percy drawled on.

'Ny- what? What did he just say my name was?'

"My name is Mr. Weasley" he continued "but I'll allow you the privilege of using my first name Nyhimfafidoria" Percy added with a smirk on his face. " I truly hope that ..."

But Tonks was no longer listening. A million thoughts were running through her head. What was Percy doing here? And how on earth could she get rid of him? Mrs. Weasley would probably not be sympathetic if she poisoned her eldest son, even if he did deserve it.

"I said Nyphahfdoria, will you come to dinner with me this Friday" Percy said, still wearing the same smirk on his face.

Tonks snapped out of her thoughts

"What what what?" said Tonks, who closed her mouth which had been open for the last five minutes while she was staring at Percy.

"I SAID" repeated Percy "would you go to diner with me this Friday"

Tonks opened her mouth but no sound came out - ws it her imagination or did his nose go higher each time he finished a sentence? She glanced a look at Charles, who she had completely forgotten was there, and he seemed to be struggling not to throw up into the wastebin.

"Errrrrr I'll have to check my schedule" Replied Tonks not knowing what to say.

"Well" smirked Percy "if you have anything else planned you'll just have to change your plans, not many women have the chance to do something so prestigious. I certainly don't offer the opportunity to just anyone. Oh look at the time I really must be going, I have a most important meeting with the minister of magic himself in only a few minutes. I'll see you Friday then, Nyfifhandoria" and with that Percy strode out of the office.

Tonks turned to gape at Charles who was breathing heavily.

"It was all I could do to restrain myself and not pummel the stupid git" gasped Charles.

"I can assure you he won't be here for much longer. I have no intentions of going out to dinner with that THING as you so nicely put it, and I NEVER want to be called Nypf - whatever ever again" Glared Tonks. "Its amazing he can walk without tripping with a nose that is that high in the air. I'm taking the rest of the day off to brainstorm on what to do to him, unless there is anything else you need me for?"

"No, getting rid of him is my topmost priority and I'm glad your as keen as I am to getting rid if him. However it seems he likes you over all the other aurors" Charles said as he shuddered " so be careful - oh and if you get rid of him in less than two weeks not only will I give you that promotion but I'll throw in an extra two weeks of vacation."

"As if I need any extra motivation to scare that thing off" Tonks glared. "I'll see you tomorrow then." Charles nodded, and Tonks disapparated straight into the kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld place.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N I was notified that Percy is not the eldest Weasley brother ( obviously im too obsessed with other characters...) Thanks to Cora-leanna for that

still don't own anything - btw I don't' even own my own computer, so the updates may come at uncoordinated times...

- - - - - - - -

Tonks immediately realized she was alone in the kitchen, and she gave a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed to see after today would be a Weasley. As quietly as she could she began filing thought he cupboards. Who would have thought that in a pureblood kitchen, there was no alcohol to be found? After everything that happened today, Tonks decided a stiff drink was in order.

'Spoons...plates...arg..keep looking, try not to break anything..'

A noise startled Tonks, (who although didn't break any of the glasses in the cupboard she was currently searching - a personal best) had managed to hit her head very hard on the bottom of one particularly hard, wooden shelf.

"What you lookin' for, Tonks" asked Dung who was now standing in the entrance to the kitchen.

"I'm looking for a strong drink, you wouldn't happen to have anything on you?" Tonks asked while rubbing her head, immediately realizing that if he did, it would be ten times stronger than the alcohol she'd find in any kitchen.

"Course I do" winked Dung, as he pulled a flask form one of his inner pockets. "Best you start with a sip it has a distinct flavor"

Tonks poured some of the liquid into her mouth. Distinct didn't' even begin to describe what it tasted like. She tried to force herself to swallow, knowing that it would be worthwhile afterwards.

"Drinking while on duty, who would have thought?" Snape whispered from the shadows behind Dung. "And I thought aurors were supposed to enforce the laws, not break them"

Tonks choked on the liquid she still had in her mouth. She tried to take a few deep breaths in order to inhale some air.

"Coughing up hair balls?" smirked Snape still half hidden in the shadows. "Your beginning to look like Miss. Granger's cat".

Tonks glared "At least Miss. Granger's cat is not greasy".

It was Snape's turn to glare. Dung took this opportunity to run out of the kitchen, forgetting all about his flask.

Snape was about to retort when a horrifying scream echoed throughout the house. Snape and Tonks both pulled out their wands, aiming at the kitchen door. The scream was getting louder and louder - "Hermione?" yelled Tonks, wand still pointed at the door. Ron instead burst through the door, and dived under the kitchen table, no longer screaming but now whimpering. Tonks stared. She had no idea Ron sounded so much like a girl. Tonks got on the floor and looked into Ron's face, while he sat there shaking.

"What's wrong? Is it Harry? Another boggart?

"It's...gasp...it's..."

Snape and Tonks waited, not blinking, ready to jump out of the kitchen immediately.

"Its...this...huge...SPIDER"

Tonks exhaled the breath she was holding and Snape lowered his wand.

"Ron, honestly spiders aren't THAT bad, you need to seriously calm down.." Tonks began

"You don't unders-stand..it was...HUGE..." gasped ron, still shaking from under the table. "F-fred and G-george s-started it..it's one of their joke shop ideas..."

"Not again"sighed Tonks. The last time the Weasley twins tried an experiment all her clothes had turned white- how boring. "FRED GEORGE GET DOWN HERE NOW"

The Weasley Twins skidded through the kitchen door, and upon seeing Snape, who hadn't moved since Ron ran under the table, they moved to the farthest wall away from him that they could.

"Would you mind doing your experiments elsewhere boys, do you necessarily have to scare your brother all the time?" Tonks asked.

"Well that's kind of the point -see we've been trying to invent these new pencils..they turn into what you don't want to see at the time, it's great cause you can put them into fellow students bags-" Fred began

"...kind of like a boggart..but not always what your afraid of..we can't help it if Ron never wants to see a spider, and it just transformed..." George finished.

Tonks stared. These kids had waaay too much time on their hands. 'Though I suppose if my mom was as strict as molly, i'd be a rather rebellious.."

"This is precisely why you both aren't in the order" hissed Snape. "If ANY of your.._brilliant_...ideas...decide to make their way into my classroom, you better spend the rest of your spare time inventing something that blocks unforgivables.

The next half an hour was dedicated to attempting to get Ron out from under the table. As far as Ron was concerned, the spider was still lurking out there, waiting for revenge. Just as Tonks contemplated putting an even uglier spider under the table, Dumbledore strode into the kitchen.

"Ah, nice to see everyone is getting along so well" Dumbledore said, grinning. "I just came here to tell you Tonks that I've swapped your guard duty on Thursday with Remus, as you are unable to attend"

"And why, would I not be able to attend, Albus? I have no other plans" Asked Tonks.

"Perhaps you should check your calendar" Dumbledore said, smiling more than ever. "I just had a word with your mom and-"

"My what?" Tonks asked "WHY would you be talking to my mom?"

"Well I needed a word with Percy Weasley, and as he was at your mother's house, I went to see him there, it was important Ministry of magic business you know..."

"WHAT WAS HE DOING AT MY MOMS HOUSE?" Tonks was shaking now, though still not as much as Ron (still under the table)

If Dumbledore could have smiled anymore his beard would be invisible. "After asking you out on that date, he paid a visit to your mom, he wanted to get to know you better. Your mom told us all sorts of stories from your childhood - like that time you were five and you decided to go and-"

"DATE?" asked Fred, George and Snape a the same time.

At this point even Ron stopped hyperventilating.

"THAT CREEP HAD THE NERVE TO... AAAAAAH" Tonks took up where Ron had started and was now leaning on the table, shaking.

"Yes see, continued Dumbledore as though this happened all the time, he not only wants to take you out to dinner, but to lunch as well, I figured you'd want tomorrow off to get ready. I'd hate for you to be rushed with something as personal as this.."

"You sound happy about this situation" hissed Tonks "this situation is far from being enjoyable"

"Aaah but the contrary my dear. Your mother and I both agree you should get out more, have more fun-

"YOU THINK PERCY IS FUN?" screeched Tonks.

Snape, Fred and George slowly took a step back, away from the dueling zone.

"- a boyfriend is great for you, its about time, how convenient - he's even at the ministry.. Ah look at the time, I really must be going, enjoy your day off. Severus, if I may have a word outside?"

Snape nodded, and swept out of the kitchen after Dumbledore.

Tonks looked around the kitchen. The three boys were gaping at her.

"I can't believe he actually asked you out" stammered Fred. I had no idea he even knew what a girl was.. As much as we'd love for you to be a part of our already big family, Tonks, I'd say you can do a lot better than Percy..."

"I'm glad you think so highly of me" said Tonks, rubbing her forehead. A headache was fast approaching. "Unfortunately, your brother wouldn't' see common sense if it was the minister of magic itself. As a result, I'm stuck with your brother's... _fascinating_..personality.."

"You know" George began "Percy may be thickheaded, but Fred and I have managed to get under his skin a few times.. I'm sure we can help you scare him off" George finished with a grin on his face.

This grin was the exact opposite of what Dumbledore was wearing only a few moment ago. Suddenly Tonks in-visioned Percy having encounters of various joke shop items..her mood was somewhat better.

"Maybe" Ron began, somehow finding his voice after realizing dating Percy would be even worse than the gigantic spider that was waiting for him outside the kitchen "that new invention you just invented might work"

"I doubt it" said Fred with a look of disappointment on his face. "The only thing Percy doesn't want to see is a cauldron that isn't the right thickness, and I doubt that would scare him off. Instead he'd end up giving a lecture on the importance of law 29 section 3 and the rest of us would die from having to listen to it"

"Ok well I should probably go to bed, big day ahead of me tomorrow" said Tonks "let me know what you guys think of later"

And with that, they all left the kitchen (and after making sure there were no spiders in the hallway).

A/N I actually do know someone in real life that acts the way I portray Percy. Is that not disgusting? Anyways.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: no I NEVER dated the guy I modeled Percy after, he was after my friend. We had to get a restraining order. Hugs and kisses to all those Police officers out there (and Firefighters and EMS ppl too) for all the stuff you do :)

Still don't own anything blah blah

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Tonks had gotten up early the next morning, not wanting to miss any time plotting with the Weasley twins. She had invited them over to her apartment as she figured neither Molly or Dumbledore would be thrilled if they found out what was going on.

"Well" Fred began, "you're a metamorphmagus so normally I would suggest that you make yourself extremely ugly looking. But A) Percy probably wouldn't notice because he's ... well .. Percy B) if he did notice, he wouldn't mind because he is so desperate C) but ... he most likely already knows you're a metamorphmagus after he talked to your mother yesterday and if you were to suddenly appear ... _revolting_ ... he would have a nice little chat with your boss, and I don't think you'd like to loose your job."

'Job, no Percy, job, no Percy' hmmm ... thought Tonks 'tough decision'

"The first thing I'd like to suggest" interrupted George "is that instead of going out to eat, you invite him over to your apartment -"

"WHAT" hissed Tonks, eyes staring unblinkingly at George.

"- that way" continued George "if you have to curse him, you wont be in the presence of other wizards and witches, and therefore there wont be any witnesses, which decreases the probability of you getting in trouble"

"The second thing is" George said " that you can't openly say "Percy you are a git and I hope you drop off the edge of the planet, or try to kill him by poisoning him. You have to scare him off by other means."

"In case you haven't noticed" Tonks sighed "Percy is so thick that there isn't anything I could say that would sink through his skull."

"Ah, it isn't what you say" Fred whispered, his eyes glinting with mischief " it's what you do. Above all Percy holds his reputation in high regard. He wont be interested in a relationship with you if it has any possibility of damaging his career"

"So, basically" Tonks said slowly " you want me to act as undignified and ... well ... evil .. As possible? I will not go and get the dark mark just to get rid of him. And if I act undignified etc. I'll loose my job with the ministry anyway"

"Would you get in trouble if you were ... perhaps ... oh I dunno ... under the imperious curse?" asked Fred.

"The - wait - I'm an auror, and aurors are capable of resisting the imperious curse - so scratch that off your list of ideas" Tonks muttered.

"Well ... how about ... you tell Percy that you'd love to be involved with him but can't have a relationship with him because you are being blackmailed. That way you two can't be together, but he'll pity you so you'll be able to keep your job" offered George.

"Well ... I dunno ..." Tonks said "wouldn't he realize im not really being blackmailed if he approaches the person I claim is out to get me?

"Pick a person he'll never run into, a person that would appear to have the capability and interest in blackmailing you." Fred suggested.

"But" interrupted George "you'll have to act kind of different ... in a _... rebellious ... _sort of way like we discussed previously ... if your being blackmailed its obviously for more than not getting together with Percy."

"Who would blackmail me and why?" Tonks drawled.

"I dunno ..." Fred said, drumming his fingers on the table they were sitting around. His eyes caught a paper. "Augustus Rookwood" Fred jumped grabbing the paper. "Pick a death eater. They'd have reason to be against you because you're an auror. Id suggest Antonin Dolohov but you know how much our parents hate him..."

"You. Want me. To pretend. Im being blackmailed my a death eater? Are you INSANE?" Tonks yelped "What do I tell Percy - oh Rookwood's blackmailing me that I don't go out with you, and in return I'll never wear my weird sister's shirt again? I could be on drugs and I wouldn't let in to that kind of scum"

"Well for starters" began George "tell Percy "I'd love to be with you but I don't want you to get hurt . .blah blah pretend you care and he'll soak it up like a sponge. Tell Percy that Rookwood used a new spell on you similar to the Imperious curse, and your trying to resist but its difficult ... So he's liek I dunno - trying ot get you to like him in hopes that you'll release ministry secrets to him, and that he's trying to get you under his control in order to influence aurors so he can get into You-know -who's good books. If your partly under Rookwood's control, they can't exactly have you running round the ministry, can they? They wont fire you for fear of endangering your lives, so they'll put you on an easy desk job - that way you get rid of Percy and decrease your workload."

Tonks stared at the twins. No wonder they were good at inventing joke stuff, with this type of thinking.

"So let me get this straight - I'm under the influence of a new spell - but now and then I can fight it - so like off an on I kind of like him but then other times id like come to my senses - ugh I don't think so" Tonks grimaced.

"Hang on" Fred started "let's compare the pros and cons-"

'The even know what pros and cons are' thought Tonks

"What is it about the plan that you don't like? Asked George.

"The fact that I'd have to pretend to being interested in an extremely ugly psycho death eater is definitely up there" sighed Tonks.

"You only have to be like that half the time. Since your trying to resist the curse, you wont be out of your mind always - or you know you could get married to Percy and have twelve children and -" Fred hinted.

"EEEW enough" yelled Tonks. "I don't think I could pretend to be interested in Rookwood if I was intoxicated".

"Just think of how much enjoyment you'd get over seeing Moody's face after you start drooling over a death eater." George said nudging Tonks in the arm.

Tonks never got over how much Moody didn't want her to become a auror. She was too clumsy and - oh yes - not _vigilant_ enough. In that case -

"Ok - fine - I'll give it a try - but I don't know where to start" Tonks said closing her eyes, and crossing her fingers, hoping she had made the right decision.

"Leave it to us" smirked Fred "how about you go make a pot of tea"

"Ok" Tonks said slowly as she went to the kitchen 'what are they up to now?'

A few minutes later Tonks re- emerged into the living room with her tea and it was all she could do not to drop the cup on the carpet. Pictures of Rookwood were hung all over the walls, some framed in little hearts, others with swirly borders of pink glitter.

"See" smirked George "your obsessed already"

"Ah it's time for us to be going" muttered Fred "we have an appointment at work, we have a couple volunteer testers that are dropping by to try out our exclusive new line of merchandise"

The three said their goodbyes and flooed off. Tonks then noticed Fred left his hat behind. 'I guess he'll be back for that later'.

Tonks decided she didn't want to see the pictures of Rookwood anymore than necessary so she went back into the kitchen. About five minutes later she heard the noise of someone flooing in. 'That'll be Fred getting his hat'

"Be there in a minute" yelled Tonks and then remembering the plan - "so sorry I was just drooling over that new death eater file I got at work, there must be something about those robes, I can't seem to keep my eyes off of them" Tonks chuckled as she walked into the living room. Her laughter immediately died upon seeing that Fred was not the one that had flooed. Standing there, with looks of total shock were Moody and Remus Lupin. Lupin's eyes traveled over the Rookwood pictures while both of Moody's eyes remained on Tonks as he pulled out his wand, aiming it at Tonks.


	4. Chapter 4

Not mine, blah blah - are you surprised?

Tonks dived behind the couch, hoping she would be able to take cover in case Moody decided to throw a couple of Jinxes before she had a chance to explain. Moody always attacked first, that way no questions needed to be asked later.

"Prove to me that you are indeed the real Nymphadora Tonks" Moody snarled from somewhere on the other side of the couch.

"Ummm...how about I think you are a biased undeserving useless excuse for a auror?" Tonks yelled across the room.

"Now I know for sure that you aren't the real Tonks" Remus said, sounding still confused "the real Tonks would never say that to Moody"

"I believe she actually would" smirked Tonks "as I recall, those were the EXACT words I yelled at him after-"

"Your first auror test" interrupted Moody "for now, I trust that you are the real Tonks, and I intend to discover what is wrong with your pathetic excuse for brains later this evening but at the moment we have a rather urgent situation at the ministry"

Upon arrival at the ministry, Tonks saw there were three captured death eaters, with tied hands, being held at wand point in the hallway. She scanned their faces... Don't know, don't know - and oh joy - the death eater on the end was Rookwood.

"These death eaters were captured only moments ago, and with so many aurors on duty, we need you to help relieve the shortage" began Moody.

"Ah great to see you, Tonks" Charles said, from the other side of the hall " Would you mind taking Rookwood here and filling out the proper paperwork?"

Moody and Lupin both tensed upon hearing Rookwood's name. But before Tonks could answer Percy appeared.

"May I have a word with her first?" asked Percy smugly as he ushered Tonks off into an empty office, giving Tonks time to think the situation over. Percy couldn't really be bad enough that she'd pretend to be in love with Rookwood, could he?

"Nymphanididoria" Percy began but Tonks grabbed the collar of his shirt and held him against the wall.

"Never call me that again. Call me Tonks, or don't talk to me at all" she hissed through clenched teeth.

"Awww" Percy said as good as he could while being held " I'm so happy you're letting me call you by a nickname. I had no idea you felt so intimate towards me, you can't seem to keep your hands off of me"

Immediately Tonks let go of his collar, trying desperately to wipe her hand off on her robes. Rookwood was looking better every second. In fact, it was all she could do not to run out of the room and throw her arms around him. Anywhere but here...

"I had no idea you wanted things to progress so quickly" Percy continued

"Percy" hissed Tonks "I-

"Sorry to interrupt, but could you carry this on later, we need to get this paperwork filed" Moody growled from the doorway.

"Hurry it up - I want to get out of here and into Azkaban - as far away from that nut as I can" snarled Rookwood, inclining his head towards Moody.

'It's now or never. Morph eyes so that they are glazed : check. Make sure Percy is looking: check'

"Anything you want.. _Stud-muffin_" said Tonks, batting her eyes towards Rookwood. "Let me show you to my... _personal office_"

Moody had a sudden coughing fit, Charles dropped the file he was holding, Percy turned a white-ish-blue and Rookwood appeared to have stopped breathing. The other two death eaters eyes widened as Tonks put her arms around Rookwood and led him to her office.

After she had closed the door to her office, Rookwood immediately tried to back away from her.

"Awww sugar" Tonks said sweetly " are you okay? You look tense - maybe I can give you a massage?" She asked a she moved closer.

Rookwood had nothing but fear in his eyes as he tried desperately to move away from Tonks, hands still tied behind his back, as he backed up into her desk.

'Don't overdo it. Eyes back to normal: check'

"Ok so lets file this report.." Tonks began normally, thoroughly confusing Rookwood who was in the process of trying to roll over the desk to get away from her.

Five minutes later, Tonk's report filing was interrupted by Charles, who informed her that upon Percy's request, she was clearly under too much stress and thus acting strange, and therefore was to be given a different job. She would replace one of the aurors stationed at Hogwarts to watch over the students.

'Hundreds of screaming children, or Percy - children please'

Unfortunately Tonks was also informed that Percy would be at Hogwarts too, to keep an eye on the aurors there, and make sure everything was to "ministry standards".

After leaving a somewhat relieved Rookwood and a pitiful looking Charles, Tonks flooed into Hogwarts.

'Avoid Percy at all costs'

Tonks wandered through the halls, students were so used to having aurors, none of them paid any notice to her. She didn't like revisiting the memories that were flooding back into her mind after being in the all too familiar corridors that she had been through before. Lost in thought, Tonks was oblivious to Peeves, who had taken the opportune moment of her lowered defenses to pour a bucket of - well she was unsure of what it was - but it looked disgusting - all over her head. Upon realizing that the substance had no visible effect on her, only the fact that it was extremely sticky, much to her dismay she tried to get rid of it but no luck.

The last thing she needed would be for students to see her like this - her job might be in jeopardy - an auror who couldn't get purple slime off her clothes? She quickly took off down a deserted hallway which was leading her to the dungeons, absolutely no students there... until she came to a dead end, with a door on the side. Hearing foot steps she pressed herself into the shadows up against the door.

"Oh wait until you meet my girlfriend, Sir," Percy's voice drifted towards her.

'Oh no. Eeew. The only thing worse than being in the dungeons covered in slime - Percy- and there is no escape'

The door behind Tonks opened and she lost her footing, but her arm was grasped by a hand and dragged into the room. After her eyes had adjusted to the lack of light in the room, Tonks realized she was back in her former potions classroom, and that Snape was standing in front of her.

"Why did you drag me in here?" Tonks demanded.

"So Mr. Weasley won't find you" stated Snape as if it was the most obvious reason in the world.

"And you are helping me out because?" Tonks snorted.

"There is enough slime in the dungeons without Mr. Weasley drooling all over you. I had to listen to him talking about how great you were throughout my entire breakfast this morning and the thought of him going on about you outside my classroom door while I attempt to mark papers is not something I wish to experience. Speaking of slime, it seems you encountered Peeves on your way down here" Snape smirked.

Tonks had completely forgotten about the slime, which was still clinging to her robes. She could hear Percy coming closer to the door, and decided that she'd prefer being in her old classroom than being outside with Percy.

"Can I use your shower?" Tonks asked.

Snape just stared.

"To wash off this slime, you know" Tonks continued.

Snape was still staring.

"Or I could go into your storeroom and probably end up breaking a lot of important and expensive potions ingredients while I wait for Percy to leave" Tonks continued.

"I suppose there isn't anything you can break in my shower, as I certainly refuse to allow you into my storeroom. I need to see Poppy over some potions she wanted me to make - the headmaster was planning on stopping by, so if you see him, tell him I'll be gone only momentarily. Don't' go near anything breakable." Snape muttered as he strode out of the classroom.

Tonks could hear Snape talking to Percy and another person she didn't know and decided to go have a shower right away in case Percy and the other man came into the Potions classroom. Going to use snape's shower was not something tonks was looking forward to, but then really she wanted to get rid of this slime - and - come to think of it, does snape even use his own shower? With that hair probably not.

After finally getting all the purple slime off, Tonks realized, as she stepped out of the shower, she had left her shirt on a empty shelf in the room outside the bathroom. Putting on a dark green Slytherin towel, Tonks peeked outside the door. The coast was clear and the room was empty. The last thing she needed would be for snape to see her in his rooms wearing a towel - a Slytherin towel nonetheless. So Tonks dimmed the candles in the room and started to make her way to the shelf.

Unfortunately for Tonks, with the room being so dark she was having a hard time seeing where she was going and tripped over a chair finally landing on something smooth. Still holding onto the towel, tonks realized she had fallen onto Snape's bed.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW"

Trying to get off of the bed Tonks became tangled in the sheets along with the towel she was still wearing and she was still struggling when the rest of the candles re-lit.

"honestly Severus, why must you have your rooms so dark? You know-" Dumbledore stopped as he came around the side of the bed, noticing Tonks wrapped in Snape's bedding.

Tonks pulled the towel more tightly over her body, making sure most of her skin was covered. But Dumbledore had already covered his eyes with his hands, his face turning bright red.

"I had no idea I would be interrupting anything. When Severus said he was busy this evening, I had no idea he was serious, I thought he was just making up excuses in order for him not to attend the feast this evening" Dumbledore continued, hands still covering his eyes.

"Can't you knock? If you tell a word of this to anyone I'll tell Minerva you saw me wearing nothing but a towel" screeched Tonks "wait till I-"

"You know what, it seems I've changed my mind, I'll come visit Severus later-"

and Dumbledore ran out of the room before Tonks could throw anything at him.

Finally able to disentangle herself from the sheets, Tonks changed and went to sit in the potions classroom where she met Snape, who was sitting at his desk.

"Have you seen the headmaster recently?" questioned Snape over a pile of second year papers.

"Erm- why?" muttered Tonks

"I ran into him in the corridor just moments ago and he told me that what he previously wished to discuss was no longer important and that I am excused from the feast this evening-"

Tonks closed her eyes and held her breath waiting for him to continue.

"-And that if I missed breakfast tomorrow he wouldn't mind. He's made me attend every event in the great hall since I started working here, but now suddenly he's changed his mind.." finished Snape.

Tonks froze and started turning white. 'Oh no. Albus thinks there's something going on between Snape and me after what happened earlier. Eeeew'

"Tonks?" asked Snape, staring at her.

"I need to go and - er- talk to Albus about something" Tonks muttered, avoiding his eyes.

And with that she flew out of the classroom.


	5. Chapter 5

Not mine yada yada

'Damn. Where did Albus run off to? Did Snape just call me Tonks ? Not Nymphadora or Miss. Tonks, but just Tonks ? Either he's totally out of it, or he's finally realized I am going to murder the next twit that calls me by that ridiculous first name. Speaking of murder, wait until I get my hands on Albus. And then I'll need another shower after than encounter with Snape's bedding - does he even sleep? I mean he's so busy trying to catch students out of bed that - aaaah back to the task at hand I can think about this later'

"Tonks?"

Tonks whirled around, to see professor Flitwick looking at her from his classroom.

"Oh, hey, have you by any chance seen Albus?"asked Tonks.

"No, but Percy is looking for you" Flitwick added with a shudder.

They both turned at the sound of approaching footsteps.

"AHH. It's probably Percy - hide me" hissed Tonks as she ran into Flitwick's classroom.

Tonks frantically looked around finally diving under Flitwick's desk. Flitwick ran behind the desk and sat down, attempting to look busy with a stack of papers.

"Evening Filius" the voice of Albus Dumbledore rang out throughout the room.

"Oh, it's only you" sighed Flitwick, who stood up from his chair and walked over towards Dumbledore.

Tonks crawled out from under the desk after making sure Percy wasn't hiding behind the headmaster.

"What on earth were you doing down there? Wait on second thought, I most certainly don't want to know after what I've already seen today. I'm afraid Miss. Tonks that although I have no control over the staff at this school, I cannot permit you to have a relationship with every single male professor at this school - especially at the same time" Dumbledore said, frowning "at least use some sort of level of discretion. Filius, I shall continue this chat when you aren't busy" And with that, Dumbledore strode out of the room.

"What - hey wait a minute - did he just say - but - we never - arrrrg" and Tonks dashed out of the room, sliding on the marble floor, leaving flitwick rather dazed and confused.

Once Dumbledore noticed he was being pursued, he took off at top speed for his office, Tonks trailing behind, luckily with no students in the hall.

'Honestly that guy is how old, and I can't catch up with him. The thought of Snape and me being together was gross enough, but that midget with a beard? Honestly, do I appear that _desperate_ ? The only thing I'm desperate for, is for Percy to fall off the astronomy tower'

Tonks was slowly gaining on Dumbledore, and he began negotiations. Nothing was worse than a crazy woman with that kind of look in her eyes.

"Look, take the rest of the day off, go buy a nice outfit, we can talk after you've cooled off a bit" Dumbledore shouted behind him.

"Oh no" hissed Tonks "we are going to talk NOW"

Tonks finally cornered Dumbledore when he reached the entrance to his office.

"Can we at least talk about this in my office" Dumbledore pleaded.

"Absolutely, and I'll stand by the door so you can't escape" Tonks said while gasping for air after the sprint she just completed.

(Later in the office)

"Don't' say anything until I cam COMPLETELY finished with what I have to say" Tonks snarled over the headmaster's desk, to Dumbledore who was now cowering in his chair.

"First there is NOTHING between Snape and myself" Tonks began "when you saw me in his bed, we weren't doing anything, I -"

"Exactly what did you do to my bedroom and what is going on between you and Rookwood !" snarled Snape as the door burst open.

"You were with Rookwood in Severus's bed?" asked Dumbledore, eyes wide.

"I - you - WHAT ? EXPLAIN" shouted Snape eyes darting back and forth between Tonks and the headmaster.

"Shut up and let me explain. STOP JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS !" screamed Tonks.

"FIRST OF ALL" Tonks panted "there is nothing between -"

Tonks was interrupted as a owl swooped through the window and dropped a rose at her feet.

"Arrg. The last thing I need right now is to deal with that stuck up twit Percy"

Another rose. And another. And then chocolates. More owls. More gifts. All three occupants of the room stared at the avalanche of possessions that were starting to take over Dumbledore's office.

"What on earth is that git doing now ?" asked Tonks clenching her fists.

"Sorry to disappoint you" Snape muttered " but Mr. Weasley isn't thoughtful enough to send you something, and even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to afford it"

A letter was dropped on top of the monstrous pile of assorted items.

"There is no way I'm reading that, regardless of who sent it" Tonks snarled.

Dumbledore reached out a slender hand and grasped the envelope. Clearing his throat he began

"Dear Cupcake. I'm so sorry you had to leave the ministry so soon-

'Oh gross'

"I haven't felt the same since. Your all that I think about-

'Don't throw up, don't throw up'

"And I can't wait to see you again- are you busy this Saturday?-

"DOESN'T THIS GUY EVER QUIT ? Eeeeeeew. Bloody Weasley hormones" Tonks closed her eyes and tried to restrain herself from gagging all over the carpet.

"-If not, you will be forever in my dreams, and should you ever want or need anything, don't hesitate to ask for I will be waiting here for you and you only -"

"This is a dream. No this is a nightmare. I am going to wake up in a couple minutes and then have a nice bath, and then go for a walk..."

Tonks opened her eyes and unfortunately, nothing had changed.

"Hugs and kisses - love" Albus hesitated "Augustus Rookwood"

Both of Snape's eyebrows instantly raised, as he became even more pale than he was when he originally entered the room. But Tonks took the news differently.

"HAHAHHAHAHAHA" Tonks snorted as both men in the room turned to look at her "that's hilarious" she said grinning. "Do you honestly think Rookwood, a death eater would write something with the words cupcake, hugs and kisses etc ?"

"He didn't write it" Snape said slowly " Mrs. Lestrange and Mrs. Malfoy did"

"They - who - what- ? " Tonks asked.

"That's why I asked you what was going on between you and Rookwood earlier" Snape sighed. "Apparently after a certain situation that occurred in the ministry of magic-"

Dumbledore's eyes widened even more "Can you not keep your hands to yourself for two whole minutes ?"

"Oh shut up" Tonks hissed

"- Rookwood decided to inform the Dark Lord that you for some unknown reason, were and still are, interested in him. The Dark Lord felt that having an auror on our side - his side - corrected Snape - would be a great advantage, so he instructed Rookwood to attempt to return the feelings. As a result, Rookwood went and purchased a few.._sentiments_... for you to have, and he got Malfoy and Lestrange to write a sappy note for you" Snape finished.

"Rookwood bought these for me all by himself ?" Tonks gasped "How cute and considerate"

'too bad he's a death eater'

"You can't be serious" Snape gaped at her

"Well with her taste in men, I'm not completely surprised" Dumbledore added.

"Don't start" Tonks growled "back onto that topic there is nothing between myself and Flitwick, regardless of what you saw"

"Flitwick ?" Snape stared

"And to clear up any future confusion, I have no interests in having any relationships with any of the house elves either - so don't' even think of going there-"

Dumbledore closed his mouth.

"And to clear up the original event that caused this entire disaster, Snape would you mind stepping outside for a moment" Tonks added.

"I'd love to, but the Dark Lord instructed me to keep an eye on you to make sure nothing happens to you" Snape growled.

"On the positive side, that gives you a reason to be in each others room's doesn't it" Dumbledore mumbled.

"WOULD YOU-"

"ALBUS PERCIVAL WULFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE"

screeched McGonagall as she came to a halt in the middle of the room.

"I was just in Professor Snape's office to ask him about a particular potion and you won't believe what one of the portraits in his rooms told me" raged McGonagall.

"It said something about you and Tonks while she was wearing nothing but a towel !"

"Is that why my bed sheets were everywhere ?" Snape asked, backing away into the corner.

"YOU know about this TOO ?" she shrieked.

THUD THUD THUD

Tonks had started banging her head against Dumbledore's desk. This day couldn't get worse - yet.

"Would everyone please have a seat and I'll explain things" Tonks muttered in between bashing her head,

"I'm not sure I want to know" Snape muttered from the corner.

"This better be good" hissed McGonagall

Snape stared at her.

"NOT like that, get your mind out of the gutter !"

Eventually, everyone was seated after a couple more thuds on the table, and a lot of glares were shared between the occupants of the room.

"Lets try this again. I am NOT a slut. NOTHING happened between the headmaster and myself. He simply in the wrong place at the wrong time due to a mistake he made, and I can assure you he wont make that mistake again.

"So that's why he knocks now" Snape muttered

"The incident between Flitwick and myself was not what it looked like" Tonks continued despite McGonagall's face turning a shade of green that reminded her of the towels in Snape's bathroom.

"And for the last time" Tonks continued "About Snape -"

"What is this ? A convention ?" Percy and another man appeared in the doorway.

Percy tripped over the pile of chocolates and flowers behind the door. "AAAh what are these ?"

"Umm ... they're ... they're ... Minerva's" Tonks said.

"Mine ?" asked McGonagall.

"Uh ... yess... you see Dumbledore was going to send them to you, but you know, you showed up and now the surprise is all ruined..." Tonks continued.

She saw Dumbledore slip the envelope form Rookwood into one of the pockets in his robes.

"Ah, Tonks you're here" Percy said smugly " I need a word with you outside, I want to introduce you to someone important"

And with that, Tonks followed Percy out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

"This is Harry" Percy introduced Tonks to the man he had arrived with. Harry number two was creepy. In fact, Tonks didn't think the word creepy with a capital c would be enough to describe what this guy looked like.

'What is it with creepy guys working at the ministry. There's Percy - eew, this guy eeeeew, and then there's Moody with his creepy eye, and his office being right outside the women's washrooms...'

"Harry" Percy continued, "is my head supervisor'

"Percy told me all about you" Harry said, grinning evily. "A metamorphmagus ?"

Suddenly the words of Fred and George floated back into Tonks's head. Percy cares the most about his reputation. This is his head supervisor. We are now getting close to the great hall... Embarrassing the hell out of him now couldn't be any more perfect... I've got an idea - let's hope Snape isn't close enough to hear this...

"So Tonks" Harry laughed coldly "having trouble dealing with hundreds of screaming kids?"

Tonks put on the most seductive look and replied softly " it's not only the kids that scream, you should hear me after Percy's shift is over"

Percy turned a shade of red that was more bright than his hair.

Percystuttered "a-afterm-my shif-ft ?"

"Or" Tonks continued " during, depends on how good he's been. The broom cupboard by the Charms classroom is by far the best place ..."

Percy was now turning white. Tonks wondered if she could get him to turn all the colors of the rainbow.

Harry was glaring at her, with the creepiest look she has ever seen. Which is pretty creepy, considering she is related to Mr.Malfoy Sr.

"Do you have a problem with me ?" Tonks demanded.

"Actually i do" sneered Harry.

"Is it becasue i have boobs ?" shouted Tonks, getting every student in the next five miles complete attention.

Harry proceeded to replicate Percy's facial expression.

"Or" Tonks shouted even louder, " is it because you aren't getting any boobs ?"

Harry shut his mouth and glared. Percy was still trying to breathe.

They had stopped in front of the entrance to the great hall. Tonks jumped on the opportunity she had.

Tonks threw her arms around Percy and yelled out against his neck "I want to have seven children at least"

Percy began choking on air. While he was still gasping, Tonks continued.

"I know you grew up with a large family and probably don't feel the same, but I don't know if I can keep my hands off of you that long"

Percy had bent over from the lack of oxygen, Harry meanwhile began backing away, not interested in the details. Meanwhile, every student in the great hall had stopped talking, and were trying to get a good look at what was happening.

"Oh Percy" Tonks said holding him against the wall as he went continually closer to the floor "I can't wait any longer - where's my ring ? I can't continue on like this". Pretending to sob, Tonks continued "I can't see you again until you are ready to make a commitment, unless I am not worth it - am I worth anything to you Percy-kins?"

Percy stammered " well - yes- but - I don't - but you - we - "

"I am ready when you are Percy" and with that Tonks strode off down the corridor, making sure everyone saw her.

Rounding the corner, Tonks nearly ran into Snape who looked positively livid.

"My. Office. Now."

(Later)

"ARE you insane ?" hissed Snape "the Dark Lord is not going to be pleased that you suddenly don't like Rookwood and are now all over Mr. Weasley. I was supposed to keep an eye on you ! Are you trying ot get all of us killed ?"

"Whoa. Relax. I've got it all figured out... If everything goes along according to plan, the Dark Lord will be very pleased with you" Tonks said.

"Plan ? What plan ? I have absolutely no confidence in you whatsoever" Snape hissed.

"Cool down, get me McGonagall and Colin Creevy" Tonks said.

Snape stared at her for a moment then swept out of his office, returning moments later with both requested individuals.

"Ok, now you go off to the feast so as to not raise suspicions" Tonks instructed Snape.

" I don't trust you in my office" Snapre retorted.

"From what Dumbledore says, that's not the case" smirked McGonagall.

"NOT AGAIN" yelled Tonks.

"What is everyone talking about ?" Snape snarled.

"Oh don't pretend you don't know, I understand you want to keep it a secret though..." McGonagall smiled "I'd keep an eye out for Hooch, she's jealous" she added to Tonks.

"Is she delusional ? Jealous of what exactly ?" Tonks said, mouth gaping.

"Well, she has a thing for old quidditch players, and you know, he used to be on the team, - oh and Trelawny is also hunting you down after what transpired in the Charms classroom. Seems she has a thing for guys with beards - it aids her seeing aura" snorted McGonagall.

"Will someone tell me what is going on this instant ?" Snape growled, still standing in the doorway.

"Now is not the time, with a student present" McGonagall cut in looking at Creevy, before Tonks could answer Snape. "We'll have this discussion later"

Glaring, Snape left his office.

Leaning in to McGonagall and Creevy, Tonks whispered " so here's the plan"


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning at breakfast Tonks attempted to eat while bing glared at by Trelawny and Hooch. Was it her imagination, or were some members of the male staff winking at her ? No that one definitely was a wink and a very informative hand gesture. Damn those talkative paintings... On the plus side, Percy sat on the very end of the table, avoiding Tonks eye.

"Severus, can I have one of your brewed bottles of polyjuice potion ?" Minerva asked while dismantling her scramble eggs.

Snape looked up from his bacon. "And you would want some because ?"

"I was going to turn into you so that I could take points away from my own house - honestly - I was planning on using it in my transfiguration lesson today, I'm sure you don't want me to bore you with the details ..."

Snape looked at her but she wouldn't meet his eyes as she attempted to maim her sausages.

"Very well, meet me in my office after this"

Snape then turned around to answer a question Flitwick had asked, missing the wink McGonagall sent to Tonks.

Later that evening..

Tonks transformed herself into a woman that looked the exact opposite of what she had been that morning and she crept along the corridors, waiting until she came to Percy's room. The door was open and Tonks signaled behind her.

Walking into the office, Tonks walked up to Percy's desk. Percy was intensely reading an article in the Daily Prophet. Percy eventually looked up, and Tonks jumped him, rolling him onto his desk.

"Wha -" Percy started.

Instantly Colin Creevy came to the doorway, taking pictures, and Tonks ( McGonagall ) walked in.

"AAAAAAAAAH Percy ! Another woman ?"

"I - wha-"

"I don't believe this !" shrieked Tonks. "How could you ?". Wailing, Tonks fled the room.

Creevy took off scared for his life, and th real Tonks jumped off Percy and took off as fast as she could. Now if Percy came after her, she'd threaten to expose the fact he cheated on her. Anything that would harm his reputation would not be risked. peace at last...

The real tonks had no problem escaping, the fake one, on the other hand, rain into complications.

For a moment McGonagall was having a great time - she wasn't able to run like this for ages. That moment was short lived as Snape flew out of nowhere and appeared at her side.

"Are you ok ?" he asked worried, looking at the fake tears running down her face.

McGonagall stared at him. But Tonks said nothing was going on between her and anyone - then why did he appear so concerned ?

"And you care because ?" McGonagall asked.

"Because if anything happened to you, I'd die, and you know that" snarled Snape.

'_Honestly, as if the Dark Lord would just let me go if something happened to you_ '

McGonagall just gaped at him.

"No it's only Percy - " McGonagall stopped. No one was supposed to know.

"What did he do ? I'll kill him" Snape said, looking at her.

'_Ok, I'm totally scared now_ '

"You know, this isn't a great time, can I like umm - continue this in like half an hour, there's something I've got to take care of first - " McGonagall said as she sprinted towards the real Tonks's rooms, leaving Snape, who hesitated then ran after her.

"I can't let you out of my sight" he hissed after her.

'_Oh hell, the one time he take my advice and gets out of those bloody dungeons and he won't leave me alone - I take everything back - stay down there _'

McGonagall reached Tonks rooms and practically blasted the door down, she raced into the washroom where the real Tonks was and then shut the door.

"Whoa what happened to you ?" Tonk's asked, staring at McGonagall.

"SNAPE" hissed McGonagall. "And he's out there, wanting to talk to you, something I have no desire to do"

"Oh God" Tonks gasped. "What did he say to you ?"

"Basically that he can't live without you and he's madly in love with you" shuddered McGonagall.

"He said that ?" Tonks asked, gaping at her.

"He didn't get down on one knee, but if that's what you're waiting for, he's outside the door".

"Bloody hell" Tonks hissed as she transformed into her usual self. "Wait here until the polyjuice wears off. I'll keep him busy".

Tonks slowly emerged form the bathroom in a attempt for Snape not to see mcGonagall in the bathroom. At least Flitwick was a guy, she had no intentions for rumors to get around that she was gay, it was hard enough finding guys as it is.

"Hi" tonks said to him " er- sorry about that"

"What happened ?" Snape asked, looking into her eyes.

'_Oh shit this guy is a legilimens. Avoid eye contact..._'

Tonks looked around the room, trying to find something to concentrate on. But Snape kept moving his head to see her she finally buried her face into the front of his robes.

'_Ha - he can't perform legilimency now _'

Snape put his arms around Tonks and started rubbing her back with one hand. Trying to ignore how good that felt, Tonks slowly shifted herself so she could see out of one eye. McGonagall was back to her usual appearance, and was attempting to sneak out of the bathroom. Once she saw the position Tonks was in, she froze.

Tonks slowly wrapped her arms around Snape's neck and pointed to the door from behind Snape's back, putting her neck in between Snape's head and shoulder so she could see McGonagall behind them.

McGonagall slowly crept out of the bathroom as Tonks waved her on. Snape was still massaging her back. McGonagall had reached the door, but it was closed. Before Tonks could do anything, however, the flames of her fireplace lit up as Rookwood stepped out into the room.


	8. Chapter 8

McGonagall dived behind a bookshelf as Snape twisted around as good as he could with his arms still wrapped around Tonks.

Pulling out his wand and aiming it at Snape, Rookwood sneered "Well, well, what's going on here ?"

Snape removed his hands from Tonks, who stepped in front of Snape.

"Oh don't look at me like that" snapped Tonks, and Rookwood's sneer immediately left his face. If the Dark Lord wanted her to stay in one piece, then Rookwood wouldn't be able to curse her . Haha.

"If you have a problem with me getting within a mile of another man, I have news for you. Especially when that man is trying to be considerate, I would have thought you'd show him some respect, that is of course, assuming that you care about how I feel" Tonks went on, enjoying the shocked looks she was getting form both men, wondering if McGonagall was having a cardiac arrest.

"Oh no" Rookwood attempted " I - I care - I was just - just surprised"

"I am not an object" Tonks continued on " That you can just own"

"N-no" stuttered Rookwood "of course not - I - I didn't-"

But he was interrupted by a knock on door.

"Hide" hissed Tonks, hoping he wouldn't attempt to hide behind the bookshelf that McGonagall was already behind.

Fortunately, Rookwood went into the vacated bathroom, just in time, as Percy ran into the room. Percy fell to his knees and crawled along the carpet.

"Please call them off, I'll do anything" Percy wheezed.

"What ?" asked Tonks confused.

"There he is" Fred and George stormed in.

"AAH. Please. Have mercy" begged Percy.

McGonagall took this new distraction as the perfect moment to run out of the room without being noticed.

"Colin Creevy tests our joke shop items. When he showed up late for an appointment, he said he couldn't tell us why. Like that ever stopped us, so we put a truth serum in his pumpkin juice and found out about that Weasel" Fred said angrily, pointing towards Percy who was shaking on the ground.

"No, I didn't, I never-" Percy gasped.

Tonks was beginning to feel sorry for him. "Before you strangle him, can I say a few last words ?"

Fred and George nodded.

Tonks leaned down to Percy's ear. "If I call them off, will you promise never to come near me again - I don't want to think about what happened ever again"

Percy thought for a moment then vigorously nodded his head.

"Fred, George, may I see you outside for a moment ?"

They nodded their heads. George looked back at Percy " don't try to run off now".

Once they were outside, Tonks explained to them that there was no need to strangle Percy, instead she was making him suffer far worse already. They shrugged their shoulders, but left anyway. Tonks then sent Percy off, who was eager to leave the rooms and find a new pair of pants - Fred and George really scared him this time.

Tonks did some thinking for a moment. Rookwood in bathroom, Snape's here, McGonagall's gone. Right. Back to the matter at hand.

Rookwood had emerged form the bathroom and was in a heated discussion with Snape, which Tonks listened to through the door.

"The Dark Lord will not be pleased when he discover's she really doesn't like me, and he has no way of getting ministry information. You'll be the one that pays, you were here, you could have prevented this" hissed Rookwood.

'_Oh great. Me and my ideas are going to get the three of us killed. The Dark Lord is a Legilimens as well, he'll know I don't like Rookwood... Oh great and the order will loose the only double agent we have. A double agent, according to McGonagall that fancies you. Oh great. Way to go Tonks. Buy some time, let Dumbledore figure it out later... Think, think, think_ '

Tonks stepped in the room. " you're right, Rookwood, I don't like you anymore -"

"Say your prayers" sniggered Rookwood.

"- I like Severus" Tonks said, closing her eyes, waiting for the worst.

' _oh please don't kill me_ '

"You what ?" snapped Rookwood.

Seeing that she wasn't about to me cursed to bits, Tonks continued. "I like Snape. If the Dark Lord want's any ministry info, you'll have to keep Severus alive. Anything Snape want's to know about the ministry, I'll tell him."

"You've got to be joking" said Rookwood, who suddenly grabbed his left forearm. "We'll see about this" and with that, he disappeared into the flames of the fire.

Tonks turned around to face Snape.


	9. Chapter 9

Use of language later - you've been warned..

----------------------------------------

"Are you drunk ?" Snape asked gaping at her.

"No" Tonks answered, slightly worried.

Snape closed his eyes and began rubbing his temples. "I don't believe this".

"Let's go see the headmaster" they both said at the same time.

Later in the headmaster's office, after Tonks defended herself against Hooch, who seemed to still harbor delusions of - well just delusions...

It seemed the headmaster was not worried at all. He figured this would improve Snape's position as a double agent.

"I'm glad Tonks, that you have finally admitted your true feelings" Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling.

"Feelings ?" Snape choked as Tonks proceeded to rip out her hair. Maybe she should have a relationship with Flitwick, she could borrow half his beard to make up for all the hair she was loosing...

"Yes, I believe Tonks has been hiding this from you for quite a while - like that time she was going to surprise you but I came in instead, hence the reason your room was in disarray" Dumbledore continued.

"So you jumped Dumbledore in my rooms because you thought he was me ?" Snape said, eyebrows raised.

"If you'll excuse me" Tonks snarled through gritted teeth "I am going to get drunk and forget I ever decided to take that bloody shower in the first place"

"You jumped Dumbledore while you were in the shower ?" squeaked Snape who tried to get rid of the images that were appearing in his mind.

"AAAAAAAARG ! I've had it" and Tonks walked out of the office. Where to go, where to go... Hagrids ! No students would be there for fear of being attacked by the new nizzle - frises. Wait those weren't Hagrid's, they were that kid Luna's...

After having tea with Hagrid, Tonks decided she should return to the castle, it was getting dark.

Upon walking beside the lake, Tonks heard something behind her. Squinting, she realized it was Harry - not Harry Potter - the other really creepy Harry Percy worked for. It was then that Tonks realized with all the excitement earlier she didn't have her wand.

'_Oh Fuck_ '.

"So" he said "Now that Percy's gone, your single mmm ?"

'_Is this sod thinking what I think he's thinking ? If he is, the answer is not no, but no way in fucking hell_ '.

"And" leaned in Harry "you can be anyone you want to be, what a man wouldn't give for that"

' _I'm about to give you something, and you won't enjoy it_ '

"How much do you want to keep your position with the ministry ? I have too many connections for you to reject my offer "

"I'd rather keep my virginity, and my robes clean of your filth."

' _You are about to get a connection of my foot between your legs_ '

Harry pulled out his wand slowly.

' _I can't curse him without a wand, so I'll do the next most sensible thing_ '

SPLASH

Tonks had jumped at Harry in order to try and disarm him, resulting in them both ending up with the lake.

Still wrestling with him, unable to see with all the water, Tonks could hear voices in the distance becoming more clear. Harry's hand had found her throat, and although Tonks struggled she couldn't pry her neck from his grip.

'_Eew eew I know where that hand has been...grosss !' _

Suddenly, she felt them being pulled apart, and she was brought to the edge of the lake where she coughed water everywhere. Looking around, she tried to focus despite the water in her eyes but everything was bleary and it was too dark. She managed to stand but was having trouble walking. Someone wrapped a towel around her and was helping her to walk in the direction she assumed was the castle.

Every step she took, she became more tired. Finally she was helped into a chair, her vision still blurry, as shapes whirled around her. Closing her eyes as she was becoming dizzy, she immediately fell asleep.

The next morning Tonks opened her eyes. She was in the hospital wing, on a bed, sitting beside her in a chair was Dumbledore, standing at the foot of the bed beside the curtains was McGonagall.

"What happened ?" Tonks asked groggily.

"Quite a lot actually" Dumbledore said. "There was a ... _brawl_ ... that involved the entire school".

"The ENTIRE school?" Tonks repeated, sitting up.

"Well first Harry and yourself were fighting, meanwhile Snape went after you, so he became involved. Hooch was stalking Snape so she became invovled when she was worried Harry might hurt him. Trelawny was hoping to attack you while you were undefended after the whole Flitwick incident and she also became involved. Flitwick became involved because he felt it was partially his fault that Trelawny got the wrong idea. Hagrid heard the commotion and was worried someone might be attacking his tomato plants and he ended up setting Fang on Flitwick by accident - "

"Oh God" Tonks said.

"He's limping for the time being, but he's more concerned over Trelawny's desire to help him have a complete recovery... now where was I ?"

"Oh yes ... McGonagall was worried Rookwood was out to get you, so she went looking for you, letting her students out of detention early, one of which students was Harry Potter, who was curious to discover why detention had been cancelled. He visited his map and saw the fight that was already taking place and decided to join. Every other Gryffindor seemed to follow him. One thing led to another and there was a complete fiasco" Dumbledore went on, looking bored.

"As a result, there are 45 students with various injuries-"

Tonks gasped.

"-From slytherin alone. It seemed Mr.Malfoy had been drinking after his quidditch victory and he and Filch got into an argument over how good Helga Hufflepuff looked and all the other houses decided to gang up on him. It seems they fancied Ravenclaw..

Tonks looked around. The curtains were only drawn around one other bed "Why aren't there any students in the hospital wing, then ?"

"Today is a Hogsmeade visit" replied McGonagall. "So instead they are recuperating in their common rooms in the absence of other students. We simply wouldn't be able to fit them all in here".

Tonks began banging her head against the wall. This was all her fault.

"I daresay the school hasn't had this much fun since - well I don't know when.." Dumbledore said.

Tonks stared at him. What was this guy on ? And where can she get some ? (get some medication - mind out of gutter please)

"I'll leave the two of you to discuss other ... _prominent_... issues McGonagall informed me about" Dumbledore said, winking to Tonks.

"Let's have some tea" McGonagall said, transfiguring tea from the air. "So tell me about Severus"

'_AAAAH. Do they never give up_ ?' Tonks cursed.

"We're getting married, moving into a cute little white house with red shingles and freshly mowed green grass with a white picket fence and a little dog named spot. We'll have his and hers embroidered on our bath towels -"

"The towels being Slytherin colors, of course" came a silky reply.

Tonks snapped around to see Snape looking get her from behind the other set of what were previously closed curtains.

" THIS IS A CONSPIRACY" Tonks shrieked, jumping out of bed. "What are you doing here ?"

"I was giving Flitwick a potion to clear his mind after Trelawny decided to get a little over ... _intimate_... after he was attacked by Hagrid's dog".

Tonks just noticed Flitwick, who was stuttering, eyes glazed over.

"I'd like to thank you for last night" Tonks said.

' _Oh my God there's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say to him.._'

Snape just stared.

" If you want me to get on my knees and beg, you could end up waiting for a while " Tonks added.

Still staring, Snape's knees buckled. He grabbed his left arm as he bent over and stumbled out of the room.

"Oh fuck, is he ever screwed" Tonks said.

"I don't want to know what you do after class" McGonagall said, shuddering.

" STOP GETTING THE WRONG IDEA - When he gets back I am getting the strongest potion ever made. I. Can't. Take. This." and Tonks left to wait in Snape's rooms.

' _There is some serious problem with the staff at this school. The house elves must have put something in their pumpkin juice. Snape and me ? Honestly - I can just picture us five years after marriage - I've broken every single potions flask he owns, spilt food all over his textbooks, and he's made me wear an extra seven layers of clothes because we have to live 17 feet under the ground._'

Tonks snorted to herself and proceeded to argue with herself mentally.

' **_admit it, you like him_** '

' _do not, he's just a friend_ '

' **_aha you admitted he was a friend_** '

' _oh bloody hell. Friend, nothing else_ '

' **_even if McGonagall was serious about him being in love with you ?_** '

Tonks shook her head, she definitely needed a strong potion right about now.

' _How long do Death Eater meeting take anyways?_

_I am totally bored... I'd look at all those things in bottles on his shelves, but I'd knock them over... there really isn't anything for me to do down here... So I'll do the next best thing - I'll draw all over his board in his classroom _'.

After covering the board in diagrams and pictures that would result in expulsion if a student had drawn them, Tonks was bored again.

' _Maybe I can find some books on potions I can use against the Weasley twins ..._'

Tonks heard someone coming through the floo. She went over to see who it was, and like she had predicted, it was Snape.

As her being an auror, Tonks was supplied with all the passwords in the castle. She originally was planning on sneaking up behind him and seeing if she could surprise him, but changed her mind when she saw how bad of shape he was in.

Snape was dragging himself towards his bed when Tonks made her presence known.

" Are you ok ?" Tonks asked.

Snape didn't seem shocked to see that she was there.

" I will be eventually " he answered, pulling off his death eater robes, which was difficult as he was shaking so badly.

"What happened ?" Tonks asked cautiously.

" The man that attacked you by the lake was a Death Eater impersonating the real Harry Mr. Weasley works for. He was here in attempt to spy on Dumbledore. BecauseI became involved in the incident between him and yourself,I was punished ".

Tonks completely forgot to ask Dumbledore what happened to Harry. She didn't think she wanted to know anymore.

Tonks went over to him and slowly reached out her hand and touched his arm. She could feel him arm continually twitch. She sat down beside him and slowly moved her hands up and down his arms as he stared at her.

" You don't have to stay " Snape said, not looking at her, but across the room.

Tonks realized she didn't want to leave and leaned in closer, moving her hands to rub his shoulder muscles.

Instead, Snape became more tense.

"Stop" he said suddenly, turning to face her.

"If you want to pretend, that's fine, but I'm not in the mood for it at the moment "

"I don't understand what you mean by pretend ?" Tonks asked confused.

"Pretend - what you did to Mr. Weasley, Mr. Rookwood, and from the rumors I've heard, perhaps Professor Flitwick as well. I am aware you were pretending with Rookwood when you said you were in love with me, but I'd appreciate it if you'd wait until a later time , I'm not in the mood " Snape sighed.

Tonks put her hands back on his shoulders and leaned forwards, whispering in his ear. "I'm not pretending".

Snape twisted around, looked into her eyes, then gave a small smile. Well his mouth twitched. That's as close as he's ever going to be to a smile..

Tonks continued to massage him until they both became tired, and ended up laying on the bed.

"If you don't mind, I'd rather stay the night here, I don't want to risk me being clumsy and end up falling down three staircases in the dark" Tonks whispered.

"If you want, though I think falling down three staircases here is impossible .." Snape snorted, feeling slightly better.

"I've already done it before, so I know it's possible for it to happen again" mumbled Tonks.

"Hmm ?" asked Snape, not hearing her.

"I said I'll stay here" Tonks replied, not wanting to go into detail of her previous experiences at this school.

About six hours later, Snape had a nightmare, consisting of unpleasant flashbacks from his earlier summoning, causing them both to wake up. However, both had forgotten they weren't sleeping alone, and they tried to attack each other at the same time, resulting in them ending up in a tangled position on the floor.

"Sorry" Snape muttered, as he ended up over top of Tonks.

" it's not you that's the problem" Tonks hissed, her voice muffled from her face being covered in Snape's robes. "This floor is so fucking hard" Tonks said, wincing.

"The floor what ?" Snape asked, unable to hear what she had said as she was speaking into his chest.

"IT'S SO FUCKING HARD" Tonks yelled, after spitting his robes out of her mouth.

Unfortunately, this was the precise moment McGonagall, Doby and Kreacher had tried to floo into Snape's rooms. Only catching the last sentence and seeing their position, McGonagall threw some parchment at Snape and squeaked something about timetable changes before she scuttled back into the fireplace. Doby and Kreacher took off at lightning speed, mumbling something about cleaning the room later.

Snape rolled off of Tonks, but it was too late. McGonagall was most likely borrowing Dumbledore's pensieve this very moment. And Doby was probably recounting the tale to Potter. Bloody hell.

Reading the timetable changes, Snape silently cursed. Upon seeing Tonks face, he explained that this morning he had Gryffindor's first and the last thing he wanted to see now was Potter.

"I could be worse, it could be first years" Tonks said, trying to cheer him up.

"At least first years are afraid, they don't talk back, and they try harder" Snape retorted.

"So the Gryffindor seventh years aren't afraid anymore ?"

"Not in the slightest, I could take fifty points away, and they could care less. There's no enjoyment in taking points away if they're not about to burst into tears" Snape continued.

Tonks couldn't tell if he was serious, but she decided he most likely was. "So scare them again"

"I've tried, I sneer, I threaten to test potions on them, no success" Snape muttered, glaring at the timetable.

"Well it's obvious they aren't scared because you've become too predictable. People are scared of the Dark Lord because they fear all the thing he might do. He's unpredictable, and you need to be the same in class" Tonks suggested.

"And what do you suggest ?" Snape asked, his interest obvious in his face.

" First" replied Tonks " you are going to have a shower".


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: sorry for the long update. school sucks...and i'd also like to apologise for all of my previous spelling/gramatical errors. Ididn'tnotice them until i went back and was reading the chapters to see what i mentioned before. and i was mortified i had postedsome of that. I will attempt to re-read better from now on - anyways...

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Snape opened one eye. Nope, he wasn't imagining it. He was in his shower. With the water turned on. With all of his robes on too. Tonks had pointed out that if he wanted to go naked, she wouldn't stop him. Seven layers of wet robes it was.

Snape may not have cursed her as she tried to get him in the shower, but it was because she got to his wand first ( not THAT wand, ahem). Still, no wand or not, he refused to co-operate any more than he had to. Tonks washed his hair with what had to be the most feminine shampoo he had ever laid eyes on before. He would end up smelling more fruity than all the other food in the great hall. Just what he needed. He had washed his hair once before while being a professor at Hogwarts, after losing a bet over quidditch with McGonagall, and it resulted in unwanted attention from Hooch all that morning. Dumbledore had to change seating arrangements in the great hall as she couldn't keep her hands off of him. Ever since, Snape didn't pay that much attention to his physical appearance, he had more important things to worry about.

Finally the agony was over and he was allowed to get out and change his robes. As if his suffering wasn't bad enough already, Tonks insisted that he tie his hair back.

"Would you want your hair to dangle in one of Longbottom's potions ?"Tonks asked.

Snape decided he couldn't argue with that, and admitted defeat. Then he was off to his first potions class of the day. The potions class no students would ever forget. Even after being obliviated. And then using a pensieve.

Snape entered the classroom just like he did every other day. Except he was snarling more than usual. Or at least that was what he was trying to do. He'd have to snarl twice as much to make up for his hair. He put the instructions on like every other day. And sat at his desk like every other day. Besides everyone staring at his hair, not much changed. Snape attempted to mark papers, but found it increasingly difficult as Miss Brown, Granger, Patil and shudder Parkinson were staring at him. For a moment he wished he could wear his Death Eater robes to class. No one would see his hair - alas they would no doubt stare more - well only the Gryffindors, the Slytherins wouldn't notice anything.

"Miss. Granger ?" purred Snape.

Granger jumped and dropped what she was holding into her cauldron, in an attempt to pretend she had not been staring, causing it to produce purple smoke.

"I'm afraid" purred Snape again, " that I will have to take away twenty points form Gryffindor".

Instead of Granger protesting as she usually did, she just blushed and nodded her head. It was the first time she didn't have an emotional breakdown after not getting a perfect mark. Granger ruined a potion. This earth shattering event wasn't even noticed by the other students. Apparently, Snape's hair was much more interesting. Snape did not see what they were so concerned about, nor did he care, although Potter had almost passed out before Longbottom this class, and _that_would havebeen worth the shower. Almost. After threatening expulsion to whoever did not begin their potion immediately, there was a sramble of parchment and students finally ceased to stare. However the amount of whispering had doubled. Potter figured they were in a time warp, and that his potion might actually pass Snape's standards today, because if Sanpe had washed his hair, it must be the end of the world. Longbottom was even more terrified than usual, and Weasley had suggested that they were hallucinating due to the after- effects of a potion that must have been brewed incorrectly in the class before. Surely if they worked really hard on their potion, they would snap out of the hallucination, and the rest of the class decided it might be possible and itwas worth a try.

It was astounding. Snape had never seen Miss. Brown open her textbook before. All the students were intensely looking at their work, double checking every step, determined not to glance towards the front of the room. Except Granger, who was still staring, oblivious that she had ruined her potion (not that it would drop her average below 100 because her average was currently at 145)

Snape decided he would get no marking done with Granger staring at him, and instead, he would attempt to terrorize the students as Tonks had suggested. He walked through the rows of desks until he was standing right behind the-boy-who-lived-but-couldn't-get-a-girl, the flaming carrot, the hairy encyclopedia and the .. well there were no words to describe Longbottom.

"Longbottom" hissed Snape.

"Eep"squeaked Longbottom.

"he's not here, i'm immagining things" murmered Weasley.

"You don't seem to be concentrating completely. And i can assure you this potion needs your _complete attention_... _It's very.. hard_" Snape continued, leaning in.

Potter stopped stirring. So did Weasley and Finnigan. And Longbottom stopped breathing.

' _There's one less student to worry about_ . _He didn't even get a chance to ruin his potion today_ '

"Perhaps" Snape said softly, "Mr.Weasley can exaplin the importance of focusing on this potion"

Weasley shrunk back into the counter, unable to say a word. Aha. So Doby did let them in on what had transpired in his rooms earlier... Bloody house elves.

' _Weasley speechless ? There's a first'_

"No ?" Snape asked.

The rest of the class continued the same way. Fortunately for snape, no student was able to make the potion correctly. The students were diving over each other to get out of the classroom. Within bare seconds, word has passed around. Not one single student showed up for his class the next block.

' _if I had known this would happed, I would have done it ages ago'_

Snape returned to his rooms, surprised to find Tonks there.

"So" Tonks asked, walking towards him "how was class".

"Somewhat better than usual" Snape replied.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N : A BIG thanks to xxNymphie who pointed out some serious errors I made when originally posting this chapter, because I couldn't copy and paste correctly and in doing so I managed to not only miss some entire chapters but demolish the other ones. (and then the computer froze and the list goes on) Sorry for the big delay, hope you enjoy.

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Tonks didn't know what made her do it. Possibly the result of being around millions of screaming kids, potion fumes, or a combination of both. But she did it regardless. When Snape twitched his mouth in an attempt not to sneeze, Tonks mistook the expression for a smile. And the combination of the 'smile' and everything else caused Tonks to kiss Snape. Tonks didn't jump him, nor was it a hard core in depth kiss, but neither seemed to mind that much. Until Tonks started seeing flashes of pictures, which originally was kind of cool, sort of the thing you see at a Weird Sister's concert. But as the pictures became clearer, Snape pulled away, turning white. Tonks meanwhile, put two and two together and after realizing that she shouldn't have probably kissed him to begin with, not only ran, but sprinted to her own quarters before anything else happened that night.

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Snape looked around as he got out of bed. Perhaps he had a particularly horrifying nightmare in which one of the highlights was that he had washed his hair. A quick glance at the mirror disproved his theory. At once Snape remembered the biggest reason he doesn't wash his hair. It gets frizzy. And by frizzy I mean his hair is out of control more than any of Longbottom's potions. After using every potion ingredient he possibly could, his hair wasn't back to its normal state, but at least it no longer looked like something Hagrid would be raising illegally. What scared Snape the most was the fact that if he had indeed had his hair washed, then the other parts of his nightmare must have occurred as well. That meant Tonks had attempted to kiss him. Not that he minded the original thought, but his Occlumency went rather unusual, and as such, Tonks saw some memories he didn't want to re-live himself, or have any other person see for that matter. Tonks had decided to sprint out of the room, mouth hanging open. Bloody Hell.

At breakfast word had gotten around the entire school over Snape and Tonks sudden _friendliness_. The word relationship never really surfaced, because, honestly, Snape in a relationship? Too many potion fumes for you...

Dumbledore and McGonagall had looks of "I told you so" as Tonks sat down beside Snape at the table. Snape would have yelled at her for throwing herself upon him earlier, but decided against it with the rest of the faculty present. Funnily enough, Hooch was unable to attend, and was rumored to have lost a fair bit of galleons from some sort of bet that took place between her and McGonagall.

Snape was happy this was the last day of school before holidays. No more incessant whining, no more glares from students. Just continual glares from the occupants at headquarters. Bloody Hell.

Upon arriving at Headquarters later that evening, fortunately late, Snape missed most of the interrogation Tonks was receiving in the kitchen. He, however, heard enough to last the rest of the year.

"What do you see in him?" Remus pleaded.

"More like what do I see in his pants" Tonks replied, frustrated over the constant questioning.

Snape hung outside; he definitely didn't want to make an entrance after that comment. Clearly Tonks wasn't too traumatized by the previous night, or she wouldn't be standing up for him.

After hearing some more questions and Tonka's answers, Snape decided there would never be a good time to make an entrance at this rate, and that he night as well get it over with.

The minute Snape joined them; however, Harry took off, tripping over the hem of his pants, his tea forgotten.

"I particularly enjoyed the comment you made with Moody regarding the fact I indeed do have chains in my personal quarters. And the fact that we apparently got good use out of them". Snape snarled at Tonks as he summoned a cup of tea, brainstorming on how to approach the entire memory disaster that occurred before.

"Er" Tonks blushed. "I kind of lost control after the second hour of the assailment."

"Keep losing control like that and I may not be held responsible for my actions." Snape murmured under his breath.

"AIIIEEEEE". Mrs. Weasley came skidding into the kitchen bursting with excitement. "I just heard the news! When is the wedding?"

Tonks managed to spray all of her tea onto the robes Snape had just put on. But before either could speak, there was a noise that sounded like a rather intense fight was raging on upstairs and from the increase in volume, it most likely had to do with the Weasley twins. Everyone quickly left the kitchen to investigate, and, as predicted, found Fred and George, both white in the face looking at a puddle of water on the floor.

"NOW WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THIS TIME?" shrieked Mrs. Weasley.

"The- The - he but- I then- no-.." Fred stuttered.

"Explanation now" hissed Mrs. Weasley.

Fred took a deep breath. "I threw a water balloon at George when he had his back turned while he was talking to Harry..."

"Screaming over that - with that kind of commotion we thought something was seriously wrong. I have had it with-" Mrs. Weasley started.

"But that's not the problem" Harry interrupted, gazing downwards at the water. "I couldn't magic the water away"

"You what?" Lupin asked.

"The water" George said "we can't get rid of it with our wands. It's just stayed there"

"Relax" Lupin said, sighing. "There's nothing to be worried about". Waving his wand, the water stayed where it was. All the occupants of Head Quarters stared at it. Waving his wand again Lupin tried a different spell, still nothing happened.

Dumbledore finally spoke. "This is hardly the most convenient time for this to occur..."

"What-what happened? Or what is happening?" Harry asked, looking at Dumbledore.

"I'm afraid there are some problems with the 'Magic Field' around this house, if you will. This will prevent anyone from using their wands to cast spells, however this usually occurs for a short period a time" Dumbledore continued, rummaging through his cloak for a lemon drop.

"Er like how long? Are we like ummm stuck in here?" Ginny said with wide eyes.

"As to that, I am uncertain. It is possible that the wards may prevent anyone from coming and going. This could last from a day up until over a year" Dumbledore said, finding the lemon drop he was looking for.

Harry, however, was slowly inching towards the door with all eyes upon him, his muscles tensed as if awaiting an explosion. Upon reaching the door, Harry quickly put out his hand and tapped the door fast, quickly retracting it. When no sparks flew, Harry took a deep breath, and flung open the door. Nothing happened, other than the pigeons that were on the grass flew over to another house.

"Well that solves that particular problem. Severus, if I can see you in the library for a moment? In the mean time, I do not wish for anyone else to leave this house for the next 48 hours, by magic means or otherwise." Dumbledore parted, allowing the rest of the Order members to share looks of fear.

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"It is most important for the safety of the Order and its members..." Dumbledore continued.

"I understand. Will you-" Snape began.

"I will oversee that everything goes as planned. If we are to succeed at this task, no one will be able to know the truth of what is going on. I do not want Harry to become worried."

"Certainly" Snape finished, nodding as he swept from the room.

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"So" Harry said.

"I'm bored already" George said.

"You could always read a book" Hermione offered.

Harry snorted. Typical Hermione. Tonks was staring out the window.

'Stuck with Snape for a whole 48 hours after seeing his memories. Bloody Hell. I'll be lucky to make it alive after an hour'

It wasn't the fact she saw some of his dark memories. It was the fact he no doubt had worse memories than what she had seen that was bothering Tonks.

'I wonder if an apology would work. I didn't do it on purpose. Though I did wash his hair on purpose. The problem with Snape glaring all the time, it was hard to tell when he was mad or what he was mad about. No matter the reason, Tonks was sure she had somehow caused it. Making up her mind to attempt to apologize to him, Tonks announced to everyone she was going to go to bed. Instead, she took a detour and found herself in front of Snape's room. Well technically it wasn't his room. It was more like the only room he spent more than 5 seconds in. Knocking and then entering, Tonks found Snape peering over some papers, and upon hearing someone, he threw the papers into a drawer in his desk.

"Oh- er hi" Snape said.

'Er hi? He must be having problems today. And speaking of his problems, here I am...'

"Hi Snape, I figured the two of us should have a bit of a discussion"

"Discussion?" Snape asked, while shooting glances towards the drawer he had put the parchment in.

"Er yes. About. Umm last night" Tonks ventured.

Oddly enough Snape paled but then he immediately shook his head and looked back at Tonks with an expression that looked rather painful.

"Er. Ok. Have a seat" Snape mentioned, gesturing towards a chair.

Tonks realized Snape was acting rather abnormal, perhaps he was embarrassed by the memories she saw?

"Yes. Well. I want you to know I don't regret what happened. Although perhaps I jumped you too soon? Perhaps we can try again?" Tonks asked, gazing at Snape, trying to predict his reaction.

"Well. I'm er glad you have no regrets. But today isn't the best day for this to progress..." Snape trailed off.

"AH you hate me! I always screw things up! I can't even get intimate with you-" Tonks wailed, trying to bang her head against the arm of the chair as she was too far from the desk or wall.

"No! no no - I mean it's just that-" Snape attempted.

"Men and their bloody excuses! I've had it! If you can't stand to be with me now, there's no way you'll be able to in a week! You're as bad as Rookwood. Be honest!" Tonks snarled.

"No wait -I take it back!" Snape said, getting closer to Tonks "I apologize. I care about you deep down, it's just...er... hard for me to show my feelings at the moment" Snape added quickly.

Tonks stared. Did Snape just apologize? Is he intoxicated? Most likely. And his intoxication is most likely a result of her attempting to jump him before. Great, Tonks kills off the Orders only spy due to alcohol poisoning.

Tonks decided how to determine if he was indeed intoxicated, and tested her theory by kissing him. Although Snape was somewhat shocked, he didn't turn white as he had the last time and there was no throwing of vials. Though he wasn't near any vials, so that may be why. Instead, he seemed to enjoy the attention he was getting. Tonks decided either he was completely intoxicated, followed by being under the imperious curse, and under the influence of a number of other various factors or he was actually attracted to her. Tonks however, noticed that he didn't have the usual 'Snape' smell. The fumes from the alcohol must be strong. At this point Tonks could care less about why he was kissing her, she was too busy enjoying the moment. Tonks tackled the potions master, and when she didn't get hexed or threatened, proceeded to turn off the lights with her wand. This should prove to be an interesting evening.

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A/N I know Snape is so out of character, but you'll see why he is in the next chapter - sorry about the lack of updates, school still sucks. A lot.


	12. Chapter 12

"Oh honestly Ron! Stop moving." Hermione snarled.

"Don't come near me with that! Are you trying to cut my head off?" Ron shrieked, struggling to get away from Hermione.

"It's not my fault magic isn't working here, but face it, you're going to have to do something with that facial hair. If you'd have taken muggle studies you'd know this is razor is safe, my father uses one all the time" Hermione exhaled, advancing on Ron with the weapon.

"I do not have a death wish. Muggles must be insane! That blade isn't safe" Ron whined.

"Harry" Hermione pleaded "Can I shave you first so Ron will stop being such a prat?"

Harry, who was in mid-sentence with Dumbledore nodded and held up his hand telling her he would be there momentarily.

"Sir" Harry questioned "if headquarters is the only place magic cannot be performed, what if there is a death eater attack?"

"I am certain that they too would be unable to perform magic, and therefore you need not worry" Dumbledore answered reassuringly, offering Harry an orange drop, his new favorite candy.

"If that's the case" reasoned Harry "then would it not be in our best interest to initiate an attack? If Voldemort would be unable to use his wand, couldn't we just hit him over the head with an umbrella or something?"

"I'm afraid there's a bit more to it than that, but for the time being, relax and enjoy yourself. I believe Miss Granger is in need of some assistance." Dumbledore added, nodding towards Hermione who was trying to pin Ron down.

So far there was shaving cream everywhere, and Ron's beard was putting up a courageous fight. Harry also had quite the extravagant beard, but Ron, wearing his handed down robes had the misfortune of his beard getting stuck in the zipper, the outcome being very unpleasant. Harry headed over trying not to slip in the cream that was slowly engulfing the house.

'_If only Mrs. Black's portrait could see this now'_

Tonks squinted, opening her left eye. The room was still pitch black, even though she knew it must be morning. Clearly Snape did not enjoy waking up to anything bright. Snape. Oh God. Tonks squinted over to the lump that was lying beside her. Tonks suppressed a shudder. Last night was awful. It had to have been her worst experience with a man. Well except for that time…or maybe when… no, this was definitely the worst.

You know that after-taste you get when you eat something gross? And then you have to eat a whole bunch of other good tasting food to wash it away? This was one of those times. Tonks wondered if she could go and jump Shackles if she turned herself into a blonde. She'd probably have to sleep with ten men to make up for last nights fiasco. Snape was eager, and seemed to be enjoying himself, but Tonks could not believe he was so untalented. Or useless. Or oh never mind. Tonks wondered if she could just run out of the room and forget this entire incident. Or maybe she could get Mr. Weasley to obliviate them both. He never asked many questions, all she would have to do was offer him some useless muggle object and he'd probably even sell his wife. Well Tonks could see why there...

Coming to the conclusion to run out of the room and decide what to do when she got there, Tonks made to move when she realized Snape was lying on her arm and she didn't know where her wand was. Moving it slightly Tonks froze. Her hand had brushed Snapes head. And his hair was short. Unlike last night, leaving two options. Either she pulled his hair out while snogging him, which was a definite no, or this wasn't Snape. If this wasn't Snape, this meant that it wasn't Snape last night which meant. Oh God. It must be a death eater. Who else would pretend to be Snape?

Tonks propelled herself off the bed, sending 'Snape' flying and sprinted out of the room and down the corridor.

"DEATH EATERS RUN!" Tonks yelled as she jumped down over the stairs completely. Tonks could hear profanities from the room she had come out of.

Everyone in the room froze for a minute then ran in every direction, some hopping into the floo, while others dove out the window. Tonks heard stumbling behind her and spun around Snape leaped down the stairs, panting, and his robes in a tangled mess. Harry ran out the front door after Ron and Hermione, covered in shaving cream. Dumbledore Shackles and McGonagall appeared from another room, wands at the ready as Tonks was about to run out the front door. Dumbledore lowered his wand sighing.

"Its only-" Dumbledore began but Tonks cut him off.

"Polyjuice!" Tonks hollered as she dove behind a table as hexes started flying. Shackles threw her wand in her direction. McGonagall always enjoyed hexing first and asking questions later.

"No, wait it's me – "Snape tried, taking cover.

"Nice try" Tonks snorted trying to get a good clear shot at him.

In about three seconds Dumbledore had McGonagall's wand and had stepped between Snape and the others.

"-Remus" finished Dumbledore.

"WHAT" snapped Tonks and McGonagall.

"Curse him Kinglsey!" McGonagall hollered "Albus has lost his mind!"

"I had Severus look into Order business and did not want Harry to worry, and as a result had Remus fill in. Alas, it seems this has not worked as I had planned."

Tonks looked from 'Snape' to Dumbledore mouth gaping, then sped off at a record speed into the nearest lavatory.

'_EEEW I slept with Remus. In Snapes body. I need a pensieve. And then I am going to murder them both. What the fuck was he thinking?' _And Tonks emptied the last seven days of food from her stomach.

Tonks warded the door just in time as the three attempted to come after her.

"Now really Tonks" Dumbledore tried.

"You. Just. Wait. Until. I get you" hissed Tonks, eyes closed, trying not to get sick again. "You felt it was unimportant to let the rest of the order members know?"

"Had you known it was Remus you may have acted differently, and aroused Harry's suspicions. I didn't want to take that risk" Dumbledore explained, oblivious to Tonks previous incident with Lupin.

"I am going to murder you. No wait. I am going to torture you until you wish I will murder you" spat Tonks as she became sick again.

Tonks remained where she was even after Dumbledore's futile attempts to break the wards. It seemed Kreacher added some of his own magic, after Tonks mentioned she was going to strangle Dumbledore by his beard and found it rater amusing.

"POTTER" Snape snarled. "What are you doing! You've gotten shaving cream all over my death eater robes, and I just had them cleaned"

After sprinting from the front door, Harry had dived over the hedge and had instead tackled Snape in a move that even the world's top Rugby players would have difficulty with, in the process smearing the shaving cream that was previously on his face all over his professor.

"But you were just- how did you get here so fast?" Harry muttered. "You ARE a bat! I knew it!"

"POTTER" hissed Snape, dragging him back towards the house. "What if a death eater sees you – what were you thinking? Oh I forgot – the famous Potter doesn't think. And for that colorful comment I am going to make your life miserable for all of eternity"

"Try something you haven't done before" muttered Harry under his breath, still being dragged by Snape.

"But sir" Hermione tried, appearing at Harry's side. "the death eaters are already here – they're at headquarters. You were just there sir, surely you know that"

Snape stopped abruptly. "I haven't been at headquarters for the last two days…" he trailed off, then let go of Harry's arm as he sprinted over the grass and up the stairs to the house, wand raised.

Harry looked at his two friends, then followed.

"What's going on here?" Snape asked McGonagall, his wand ready.

"Oh Albus had a brilliant plan that went completely wrong, and we can't get Tonks out of the lavatory." McGonagall replied, as if this was a common occurrence. "Perhaps you'd like to give it a try" McGonagall added, pointing to the door.

"Tonks what-" Snape asked confused.

"FUCK OFF LUPIN !" came Tonks voice from inside the room. "I you ever even think of trying that again, I will take a wooden spoon and I am going to.." Tonks continued.

Snape turned slightly more pale after hearing exactly what Tonks was planning on doing with the wooden spoon. "I think I missed something" Snape said, turning back to McGonagall.

"Oh well you see Remus was you after taking some polyjuice potion and -"

Snape didn't bother to hear what else she had to say, instead striding off to look for Lupin.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: sorry about the late post, I was going to post more over the holidays but Im sick and it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Merry Christmas, and thanks for the reviews.

I have no idea if I'm supposed to write a disclaimer for each chapter, or is one good enough? I've seen people doing both, but in case:

If you think this story is actually written by J.K.R, I think you have severe problems. If this is the case, I encourage you to call the National Mental Health Association at 703/684-7722. Onwards with the story.

It wasn't long before Snape cornered Lupin and was holding him by the collar of his robes against a wall. Snape was just leaning in and demanding an explanation all while contemplating what to do to the werewolf that would make Tonks's spoon idea sound enjoyable when he was interrupted by a voice at the entrance to the room.

"AHA! You're gay!" Ron exclaimed. "Harry you owe me 200 galleons!"

Snape and Lupin froze, attempting to take in the surrounding scene while not blinking when disaster struck.

You see it was all Dumbledore's fault really. He was the one who had insisted that Neville Longbottom come to Headquarters to share his knowledge of plants in hopes of helping out the order. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two was Neville accepting the offer. The third mistake was Neville setting foot in the kitchen (you know where this is going, don't you?). Molly would have stopped him and averted the disaster if she hadn't been so busy preparing dinner. You're probably thinking to yourself Neville can't be that bad. True, he never murdered anyone at school with his potions ( so there were a couple of close ones..); but at least in the classroom he was supervised by everyone else (they knew what to expect and had CONSTANT VIGILANCE). The order members were not so lucky this time. Molly, still not thinking, asked Neville to take some of the food out of the oven. Had he not used a wand, the most damage he could have caused would have been would have been severe burns, burning down the kitchen and possibly getting olives embedded in Mrs. Weasley's sweater. So what does Mr. Longbottom do? That's right. He uses his wand.

No one quite knows what happened next, as most of the evidence was destroyed in the process, but 500 pounds of fudge ( the food, not the minister of magic, which would have been much cleaner…) exploded and engulfed everything in its path. Including order members.

So before Snape could kill Lupin, or Tonks could use her spoon, or Ron could get his galleons, everyone was engulfed in, well, fudge. Now this could have most likely been cleaned up with a few spells, except there were slight complications.

Hermione and Ginny were planning on having a "girls night". Well Ginny planned it and Hermione agreed in hopes of not getting hexed. That would have been fine but Ginny, over excited at the prospect of her marvelous idea, tripled the amount of bubble bath in the bathtub. Bubble bath that Fred and George invented themselves. So when Hermione and Ginny were relaxing and complaining about how happy they were to get away from Pavarti back at Hogwarts, and the fudge came crashing through the door, there was a reaction between the bubble bath and the fudge. One would normally think that the bubble bath would make cleaning the fudge off rather easy, but nothing ever happens the way you expect in the wizarding world.

Meanwhile Tonks had stayed in the bathroom and was contemplating her situation, unaware of the 7000 calorie monster that was lurking below. Although the thought of staying in there for eternity sounded pleasant, she finally decided that she wouldn't let Lupins lapse of judgment ruin the rest of her life. Coming to the conclusion to make Lupin regret the day they met – that was of course assuming that he was still in one piece after Snape caught up with him- after all, Lupin was much more of a wimp than Percy. Tonks was just taking a deep breath when the fudge decided to make a visit.

The fudge had no mercy and left no survivors – it even did wonders to Mrs. Black's portrait, which was in mid-scream and received a mouthful of the delicious concoction.

When the bubble bath collided with Neville's creation, the effect resulted in fudge that not only smelt like raspberries, but the minute it came in contact with water it only stuck more.

Upon examining the aftermath, most people were lucky. No one drowned, and Lupin was still alive due to the fact Snape couldn't see through his hair (which was now glommed with the fudge) well enough to curse him. A few spells and charms later, nothing helped, the fudge still refused to move. It was decided that a potion would be needed to counteract some of the foods undesired properties. Hermione had to make the potion, because Snape still couldn't move his hair from his face, and it seemed that even Longbottom cursed fudge could not make Hermione's hair any worse than it already was to start off with. After being dosed with large amounts of the saving potion, most of the the Order's dignity was restored. No one bothered to put any potion on Mrs. Black's portrait, Lupin was saved yet again as Snape decided to murder Neville first, as his hair was now frizzy and the raspberry smell refused to go away. Dumbledore was thrilled his beard was now more smooth even than when he used his lemon drop conditioner. Tonks though, ended up with a most unfortunate shade of green hair (that looked oddly similar to the color of Hermione's face when she rode a broom for the first time) and was unable to transform it to something less disgusting.

Such a situation had never occurred to Tonks before and she was rather worried. Tonks enlisted the help of Hermione to solve her problem (who else would have read all the book ever published on the subject in question?). Hermione immediately knew what book they needed to consult, and of course had that book in her room. After fetching it, she enlightened Tonks.

"You see, a metamorphmagus has difficulties transforming under one or more of the following circumstances" Hermione read. "Let's see, shall we?"

"over the age of 100, nope" Hermione said out loud as she went through the list.

"intoxicated, that's not it" Hermione said frowning.

"pregnant, definitely not" Hermione continued.

"recently taken the dark mark, ha!" Hermione went on.

Hermione continued, and upon reaching the end of the list told Tonks she had no idea what the cause of the problem could be. But Tonks wasn't listening. She mentally went through the list over and over in her mind, and the only circumstance she wasn't 100 sure of – was she pregnant? And with that Tonks passed out onto the floor.


	14. Chapter 14

Holy Almighty it took me forever to get this chapter up! I had 18 pages but then they were in the wrong format and you can imagine what happened, so I had to redo them. I also plan on doing a HG/SS story after, for some unknown reason. Hope this chapter is not too much worse than the last one.

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Remus had been close by, trying to find a way to ask Snape to make his Wolfsbane potion without loosing body parts and had seen Tonks hit the floor. While debating on whether or not he should risk being caught by weighing out the pros and cons, Hermione had managed to return Tonks to a state of consciousness and help her from the floor. With a look that resembled a first year student in a potions class, Tonks flew from the room. Literally, because as she was running she was her usual clumsy self, she tripped on one of Mr. Dursley's old smelly socks that Harry had not thrown out yet, and became airborne. Hermione chased after her, her piece of parchment falling out of her robes as she attempted to catch the teacups that were hazardly heading her way as Tonks flew past the kitchen. Remus went over and picked up the paper.

"Hang on you forgo-" but his sentence was cut short as his eyes quickly scanned the paper. Tonks was having problems morphing? Looking at the paper more closely, Remus went through each of the possibilities on the list.

'Bloody hell' Remus thought as his eyes rested on the word pregnant, and with that he quickly left the room.

- - - - - - - -------------------------

It seemed no one could find Tonks. Which isn't surprising as Tonks had ran off and gone back to Hogwarts. And she hadn't told anyone. Considering that there were very few people at Hogwarts when school wasn't in session, hiding wasn't that difficult. Unless you were trying to avoid a certain Professor. With long, black hair, who still smelt slightly like raspberries. Unfortunately for Tonks this was the case, so she remained in her chambers, only coming out on days that were bright and sunny because there was no chance that she would run into him then - he never came out of his dungeons if the weather was even a little bit close to sunny. While hiding in her chambers, she had plenty of time to think things over. These thoughts lead to nothing good.

'_What if I'm pregnant? Lets see, what it it's Remus's? We'll end up with a werewolf that can change the color of its fur. Or maybe a girl with a very peculiar moustache. Both will most likely be obsessed with chocolate.'_

'_But what if it was Snape's because technically he was sort of the one I slept with… Either we'd have a total klutz with greasy pink hair or a perfectionist freak that would love glittery clothes. Is that combination even possible? And how would I break the news to him anyway? Oh by the way Snape, you're the father, and I know you don't remember sleeping with me because you weren't there, but anyways aren't you glad you have a heir?'_

Snape had no idea what went on with her and Remus, only that polyjuice had been consumed. And she doubted Remus was going to be filling him in any time soon. Tonks snorted. Both choices were revolting. But right now she was far more worried about children than two grownup men. Tonks knew nothing about children - teenagers she could relate to, she listened to their music, dressed like one, and up until now had their hairstyles. Children on the other hand needed attention and, well Tonks wasn't quite sure what children needed but she figured she wouldn't be good at providing it, whatever it was. This calls for a talk with someone that knows a fair deal about children, but someone that wouldn't put two and two together and find out her secret. She was going to pay a visit to Mr. Weasley.

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Unable to find Tonks, Remus hid in an empty room at Headquarters. Trying to breathe normally, he ran tried to make sense of his jumbled thoughts.

'_What if Tonks is pregnant? What do you mean if a voice replied in his head. You saw the sheet. _

_But what if Hermione made a mistake with the list?_

_Did you just say mistake and Hermione in the same sentence? Of course she didn't make a mistake you idiot! She's Hermione!_

_I think I'm screwed_

_Oh no, Tonks is the one who is screwed. More like was screwed. You're the one who's going to get screwed afterwards when everyone finds out.'_

Remus cursed. He liked Tonks. Well more than like, considering he slept with her. So what to do now? The only sensible thing seemed to marry her. He could at least try to be somewhat honorable seeing as he caused the mess in the first place. Remus knew nothing about women. Well he thought he had, but not to the point where he could survive marrying one. He needed to ask an expert. Someone that could help him straighten things out without jumping to conclusions. He was going to see Mrs. Weasley.

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Tonks arrived at the Weasley household without breaking anything to find Mr. and Mrs. Weasley having some tea at their table.

"TONKS!" Molly cried, "You're alive, we didn't know where you went to, and I'm so happy your safe! Is anything wrong dear? Where have you been? Have you eaten? Are you hungry? Tea? How about some-"

Tonks froze. She had been hoping to find Mr. Weasley alone.

"Erm. Ministry business.. Need a word with Arthur, if you don't mind" Tonks blurted out.

"Oh but of course, take some biscuits with you!" Mrs. Weasley said excitedly.

"Oh yes, we shall have some later, but for now, business!" Tonks said, trying to keep a partial smile on her face as she practically pushed Mr. Weasley from the room as he was reaching for another biscuit, which ironically happened to be fudge.

"I need you to tell me all you know about children!" Tonks hissed when they were in a unoccupied room.

"I what?" Mr. Weasley stuttered.

"Children! What do you do with them! Tell me how to deal with them!" Tonks hissed.

"Well to tell you the truth, that was mostly Molly's doing. Why don't you ask her?" Mr. Weasley said, nibbling on his biscuit.

"Because you have more children than Hogwarts does! And except Fred and George, they turned out normal! And your wife would freak out if she found out what was going on. I need your help! "

"I don't' know"

"Please? Please Arthur? I need you!" Tonks hollered. Dropping her voice, she continued "what about that whole oath at the ministry, help fellow coworkers? If I told your wife I was expecting, she'd tell everyone and you know it!"

"Ex what? Who?" Arthur mumbled, choking on another biscuit.

"It's irrelevant! Tonks hissed.

"Molly is going to find out! You can't hide this forever!" Arthur tried to reason.

" Do you need a potion? Because I'll get you one if it would help!" Tonks growled. "Veritaserum isn't that hard for an auror to get a hold of" she whispered.

"No, no I can manage without one" Arthur said, clearing his throat, as he proceeded to quietly tell Tonks about his experiences with children.

-----------------------

Most unfortunately for Tonks, Molly came by with sandwiches, and upon hearing the whispering had leant against the door to see if she was interrupting anything. Catching only glimpses of the conversation.

"_Please? Please Arthur? I need you!" _

"_Molly is going to find out! You can't hide this forever"_

" _Do you need a potion? Because I'll get you one if it would help!"_

"_No, no I can manage without one_"

Molly gasped, holding her hand against her mouth. Her husband was cheating on her!

Now one might think Molly would go in there and stab the occupants of the room to death with a dull umbrella, but if it was one thing Molly had ever learned from Fred and George, it was how to get even.

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Remus had arrived at the Burrow, which looked empty except for the teacups sitting on the table unattended. Molly appeared, with a glow in her eyes that made Remus wonder if he should come back later.

"Biscuit?" Molly asked, as though trying not to snarl and cry at the same time as she pointed to a plate on the table.

"Erm no, I've come to ask about erm." Remus leaned in, his moustache twitching slightly "women" he whispered so quietly that Molly almost didn't hear him.

"I'm afraid" Sniffled Molly "that I know nothing about women! If I knew I could keep my husband away from.." she trailed off.

"Oh Molly are you alright?" Remus asked, handing her his handkerchief and leading her to a chair.

"I'm so sorry you came at a bad time Remus. I'll try to help you though, what do you need to know in particular?"

"well" Remus began, sliding his chair towards hers, "I think I'm going to ask a certain someone to marry me and I need advice"

"Oh I'm so happy for you! You just brightened my day! " Molly said, throwing her arms around him as he struggled to breathe.

"Well I don't know I don't think she's inclined to say yes at the moment" Remus replied between gasps.

"Oh a perfect man like you? You're the dream of any woman" Molly replied, trying to boost his confidence. "I only wish my husband was half the man that you are"

Remus smiled slightly, though still not convinced. Unlike dating someone and then popping the question, his situation with Tonks was much more complicated.

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Complicated wasn't even close because this happened at the exact time Mr. Weasley was about to make an appearance. However, seeing his wife's arms around another man, he heard

"_Oh a perfect man like you? You're the dream of any woman" _

"_I only wish my husband was half the man that you are"_

Mr. Weasley was turning a shade of red that surpassed the color of his Weasley jumper. His wife was with another man! How long had this been going on? Mr. Weasley was going to go after Remus and settle the score.

'_When I'm done with him, he'll have wished Snape got to him first.' _

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Tonks was back at Hogwarts, even more scared of children than before. Who would have thought that at the age of 6 Bill found a way to get in the broom closet? And what if Molly hadn't gotten there in time when Ron got a hold of his father's wand by accident…

Not paying attention while dwelling on her thoughts, she tripped on the edge of the stairs. She managed to somewhat keep her balance on the railing as she went down, until she came in contact with the transfiguration professor. Both went down fast and loud, coming to a heap at the bottom. Tonks opened her eyes prepared for the sight of a very angry McGonagall, instead she saw shoes. Nicely polished black shoes which were connected to black robes. Although Tonks couldn't turn her head up enough to see, she knew who it was. The weather must be horrid outside if Snape was willing to venture out.

Snape helped McGonagall to her feet, and roughly dragged Tonks up as well, but he didn't let go of her arm.

"I believe we have something to discuss" Snape growled, his eyebrow raised awaiting her reply.

"I don't think we do" Tonks replied, trying to move as far away from him as possible with him still holding her arm. The last thing she needed after going down three flights of stairs was to be interrogated over the polyjuice incident. Could this man never give up? Or maybe the dark lord wanted information? Well then Snape could send him Remus, and everyone would be happy…

McGonagall in the meantime had straightened her hat and was scurrying around trying to pick up the parchment that she had let go of when she had been part of the avalanche on the stairs, oblivious to Tonks and Snape's conversation.

"I can assure you it is of utmost importance" Snape said smoothly, leaning closer. "I know about your condition"

A/N

Will attempt to have the next chapter up sooner. Have no fear I am not going to set Molly up with Remus or Arthur with Tonks because that would be very disgusting. They are just minor pawns in the mayhem that is coming.


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